“Sidesitters” – The Dining Couple Savant
My wife and I like to eat out, probably more than your average couple. We’re not avid people-watchers, but we’ve noticed a trend that’s both amusing and curious: couples at restaurant tables who sit next to one another – not on sequential sides (like adjacent sides of a square) . . . I mean like in a booth. Right next to each other. With no one on the other side.
We call them sidesitters. And well, we just kinda shake our heads at them; because these must be the same people who drive 54 mph in the left lane.
They can’t usually be detected by other factors. Maybe a sideways hat or some pants-on-the-ground twenty-something couple that parked an F-150 in two spots out front – yes – maybe them. But usually the couple just walks into the restaurant, follows the hostess, and plops down side by side, butt cheek to butt cheek. Staring at everything in the place except each other.
“Sidesitters at 4 o’clock,” my wife alerts me. With a slow turn of my head, using my peripheral vision, I spot them and just laugh, bewildered.
“They’re probably going to order Harvey Wallbangers,” I suggest.
You now have me squarely in your mind’s eye as an aloof, judgmental jerk. You’re not far off, but hear me out for a second.
As someone with a degree in communication, and who’s always been intrigued by interpersonal communication, I am fascinated by this oddity. Two people, who presumably have set aside the time to eat together, chat, share, and, well, communicate, have chosen to do so in a formation that neither permits nor engenders that happening. Yes, you may certainly grab a thigh or buttock more easily – if that is your goal. But most folks don’t go to the local IHOP to grope each other. You know? They’d rather “get their eat on” and save the foreplay for the Hampton Inn.
To illustrate, I enlisted the aid of our internal graphic designer, who is quite good with shapes. Look at figure one, which is the RCF (Restaurant Conversational Formation) of sidesitters.
In this formation, you can see the green arrows indicate vision, thoughts, and attention going elsewhere – everywhere – BUT upon your dining companion. It wouldn’t be a stretch to call it unilateral ignorance, really. In this formation, you may not build your case as a worthy boyfriend / girlfriend, you gals have wasted time putting on makeup, and you guys are guaranteed to never remember her eye color.
Anyway, here now is the proper RCF of conventional restaurant sitters.
By its purposeful design, this formation means you can make eye contact and listen to your significant other’s hopes, fears, and dreams with clarity. Or you can at least look her in the eyes when you tell her you don’t really like her outfit, or want to ask for a bite of her Tira Misu.
OK all you sidesitters out there. I want counterpoints! Bring a few good ones or I shall continue to ridicule you and your lineage.
P.S. – It’s a girly drink
Aug 10, 2010
Hilarious!!! Love the high-tech graphics, too! Maybe your “in-house graphics guru” could do some work for my husband sometime!
Aug 10, 2010
I am seriously ROTFLMAO over here, mainly because of your gorgeous illustrations! You, my friend, have missed your calling. You should have been a graphic designer, or a medical illustrator. But I couldn’t agree more. Have never understood the side sitting phenomenon.
Aug 11, 2010
In my OSI training we were taught to sit that way. Better view and response angles.
Aug 11, 2010
We have done this under three conditions that I can recall, so I will defend myself now (in the event that it was us that you witnessed and ridiculed):
First, if there is a focal point other than the meal and conversation. For example, husband and I were at Sambuca downtown and we sat sidesitter-style to watch the band. I did not want to just look at his face enjoying the spectacle, nor did I want to crane my neck a full 180 or completely turn my chair around with my back to him. But again, different focus.
Second occurance: being seating in a crowded restaurant with a way too busy thoroughfare. Husband and I were at Niko Niko’s and my chair backed up to the hoards of patrons, busboys, trays of food, and general hysteria. I was getting elbowed and bumped beyond my comfort level. So I migrated over to his side that didn’t share the same level of traffic. It was awkward, but better than the alternative. And the gyro was awesome enough to make up for it. Who wastes time talking at Niko Niko’s anyways? That interferes with my shovelling food in my face time.
And my final violation is one that I feel bad about using for this argument, but I couldn’t deny it: I get cold. Some restaurants seem to enjoy freezing their customers, whether it’s to make them order the soup or coffee that they wouldn’t have wanted unless it was 49 degrees inside. Or perhaps they don’t want their salad greens to wilt. Regardless, I get cold and I refuse to carry a sweater around with me in July. In Houston. So instead I occasionally need body heat to keep me from chattering my teeth through the course of an entire meal and calling it rapid chewing.
Judge away, Jeff…
Aug 11, 2010
THREE VALID COUNTERPOINTS! But we you should bring Sharpies and a dry erase board to announce your disclaimer. LOL!
Aug 17, 2010
Sometimes the woman wants so badly to be next to the man she is dining with that she wants to be close enough to smell him, touch him, and occassionally feel his hand on her thigh. Especially when it’s been too long since last seeing him. I’m guilty of side-sitting with our mutual friend during times when I was feeling especially needy of closeness with him. It does not ruin conversation when you’re comfortable enough to sit that close and still look each other in the eyes.
There are also times when the couple may be going through something extremely upsetting. Sitting close to each other where you can be held can be more comforting than facing each other for conversation. You never know what battle that couple is facing. Maybe they know it’s their last meal together for a while.
I would give anything to do some side-sitting right now.
Aug 18, 2010
Another fair objection. I’m always more and more aware of the “you never know the whole story” factor . . . yet many sidesitters have just been mindlessly munching nachos and texting.