Remember Weinerschnitzel?  Apart from their delicious, artery-clogging hot dogs, Weinerschnitzel Restaurants were known for their orange, A-frame buildings. 

As a kid, each time I would pass by one, I would imagine someone trying to walk upon its roof.  Any mistake of balance, and you’d be rolling quickly toward an unhealthy crash down either side of the slope.  

“Dad, why did they build their restaurant like a triangle?” I would ask.

“Well.  It . . . drains rain better,” would be the response.  

Dad’s answers were satisfactory then.  They helped to frame the truth.  

WALKING ON THE A-FRAME ROOF

These days, we are ‘asked by society’ (a ridiculous idea – but just go with it for a moment) to maintain an exquisite balance between PERFORMANCE and BALANCE. We are to succeed, nurture our families, build relationships, make money, eat healthy, exercise, be kind to all creatures, steward the universe, and more . . . all with a calm-yet-warrior-like character.

Or die trying. 

In short, we’re expected to walk upon that A-Frame roof.  I don’t know about you, but I’m having a hard time keeping my balance.

AN ANALOGY

Think about your life as an audio mixer with only two volume knobs.  One knob controls a voice that shouts PERFORM!  The other knob controls a voice that shouts ENJOY!  Which knob has been the loudest in your life?  Has either been muted for a season, only to come alive later?  Has one overtaken the other?  

If both are cranked to 10, can you hear both of them?  Or do you just hear chaos and confusion?

Have you been criticized for having one too loud and one too soft?  Been called lazy?  Been accused of workaholism?

ARE BOTH ONE?

As a business coach, I am keenly interested in performance.  As a human being, I am keenly interested in enjoying a balanced life. 

When I discuss “success” with anyone – be it a friend or client – people want equal measures of performance and balance / enjoyment.  But what if either is unattainable?  Which one gets preempted?

Mostly enjoyment.  In other words, death comes just before letting performance drop.  I’ve known business owners who work 90 hour weeks and justify it, even though their health, families, and businesses are falling apart.  

So for most, PERFORMANCE comes first for sure.  In fact, I would even submit that for most people PERFORMANCE must precede ENJOYMENT.  

“Work before you play!” was dad’s daily shout.

But now, the forward thinkers of our generation posit the importance of PLAY at WORK.  ”Do What You Are” is the key to success.  While the idea is appealing, this emphasis on what we ought to do seems to exert even more pressure on us.  We think, “Now, not only must I work hard and make money, but I must be aligned in ways I’ve never thought of.  Oh shit!”

WHY ARE WE UP HERE?

I can hear you already.  

“Jeff, the way I define good performance is by the balance I have!”

Yes, of course.  Don’t we all?  But I’m talking about the reality many of us are sitting in.  The one where we work feverishly and fall short.  Where we hate our lives and our work.  Where we know we’ve made eight wrong turns and can’t find our way back to the interstate.  Where our savings are gone and our relationships are drifting.  How can we cope with complete and utter failure?  

Most of all, why do we insist on keeping our failing balance atop the Weinerschnitzel?

I had one of the biggest OMIGOD moments in recent memory last week while reading Who Switched Off My Brain?  Controlling Toxic Thoughts and Emotions.  Amid a thorough explanation of why toxic thoughts can hurt us, author Dr. Caroline Leaf listed three main ideas that ‘toxify’ our brains and sabotage our bodies.  The first one stopped me dead in my tracks:

1.  I must do well.

Talk about opening up a can of worms.  Dr. Leaf insists that this idea – while it can be motivational – often destroys us by setting up unrealistic expectations. When we fail, it’s personal.  It’s damaging.  It withers our bodies and our ability to cope with new challenges.  It makes us physically sick.

Having realized this predicament (that I’m in a crouching Karate Kid pose on top of the Weinerschnitzel roof), I’m jumping off.  Onto a trampoline.

BOUNCE AROUND AND BE O.K. WITH IT

Remember trampolines?  These fantastic backyard creations were the mark of fun growing up – possibly because we never had one at our house.  But it was just the coolest thing in the world if we were visiting someone’s house and they had one.  

“You’ve got a trampoline!?!?” would barely escape our lips before racing to the backyard to start the jumpfest. 

I think a trampoline better represents how our worklives should flow.  

1. We are always bouncing and having fun, yet we are just one leap from center, where it’s safe.
2. We can spring higher with others vaulting us.
3. We are on the move, which keeps us engaged and interested.  Our endorphins are hopping and we’re alive.
4. We can sit on the outer padding for a rest to watch others having fun, offer bouncing advice, or to create other bounce strategies.

OK, so no analogy is perfect, but I think the trampoline suits us better than the balance beam atop the A-Frame.  

Does this help anyone?  What do you think?  

The bottom line to me is the ridiculous idea of ‘what society expects of us’. 

We are likely all lying to ourselves, in that we thrust upon ourselves completely unrealistic expectations.  We say we’ll do so much and completely ignore our limitations.  Yes, our limitations.  Because if we’re not aware of them, we set impossible goals.  (I hear Zig Ziglar cronies typing angry responses now about overcoming the impossible odds).  Even though we are well rehearsed at failure, we still get pissed off at underperformance or at our utterly failing, sedentary careers.

But is it true that ‘we must do well’?  Really?  What if we don’t?

Addendum:   You may infer from this tirade that my own career is failing.  Now that is a funny thought!  Truth is, I feel like I have been quite successful, even though I fall short of more goals than I attain.  As I fight my way through the weeds of writing pieces like this, I find clearings.  I find sanity.  I find relief and satisfaction.  

But in other moments, you readers get the vent.  Thanks for taking & ducking some spray.  Next time keep some Clorox handi-wipes at the ready.  

Finally, remember your comments and insights are at a premium.  Please let them loose, especially if they are contrary!