Elecelleration – n. the repeated, panicked pressing of an elevator button to accelerate its arrival

Any of you who have ever waited for an elevator to arrive know what I’m talking about.  The godforsaken inconvenience of waiting another 5 seconds just pushes people over the brink.  Though the indicator light beams brightly, saying “Yesss, I’m commminggggg,” people just feel the need to henpeck the elevator to death, as a reminder that we have things to do and places to go.  

Damn elevator.

Don’t miss this fact:  the reason it makes us so angry is that it STOPS US. It makes us wait.   Since taking the stairs is such a far-fetched notion in our anti-aerobic country, we’ll just sit there with the others, waiting.  At a complete stop.  Delaying us.  From that thing we’re going to do.  

!@#$%^%$#@!-ing elevator!

Elecelleration is one of  1,000 symptoms of a sick planet.  Bono says it well in a popular U2 song, “You miss too much these days if you stop to think.”  We’d rather not.

It’s a learning experience watching people fidget as they wait for an elevator.  It’s as if in silence we don’t know what to do or how to act.  What about saying hello?  What about offering a compliment to a stranger?  There are a few who do that, but so many more who don’t.

Apart from dieting, slowing down might be the hardest thing in the world.  I know this because I’m practically the worst at it.  Just the other day I took a break from work and went home for lunch – a perk of running my own company I enjoy because I get to see the family more often than your typical Joe.  

On this particular day, three of my five kids were in the kitchen eating lunch, and mom was there, too;  a great opportunity to take a break with those I love most.  But something – an idea, a project, a problem, a nagging concern – had followed me home for lunch (note the significance that I forget what it was now).  Whatever it was, it was asking me to hurry up and get back to work so I could deal with it.  So there I was, racing around the kitchen like Kyle Busch in the 18 car, stuffing a half-assed made sandwich into my gullet without even sitting down.  

“Jeff!” my mom said.

“Whubt?” I said with my mouth half full.

“Sit down and relax!  Eating while you’re standing up is poor form,” she offered.

“Oh.  You’re right,” I admitted, sitting down.  I’m 39 and mom’s still right.  So I sat down and enjoyed the rest of lunch!

TEN THINGS WE DO TOO FAST

1. Eat
2. Talk
3. Date / Courtship
4. Drive
5. Assume
6. Think
7. Work
8. Plan
9. Judge
10. Panic

Imagine how sweet it would be if we were more deliberate – internally and outwardly – to handle all of these better!

MASTERING SLOWING DOWN

I want to be like Neo in the Matrix, who had an increasingly heroic ability to slow stuff down (like bullets).  His ability to slow down was connected to seeing the big picture, and understanding what was really going on.  Ultimately, he got into the mind of his enemies and crushed them.  

Not to be overly prescriptive, but I am  working on this.  Here are several things I’ve found that help.

1. Stay connected to the big picture
2. Schedule time for literally doing nothing
3. Talk nice to strangers
4. Don’t bring your work / computer into your home environment
5. Turn off your Blackberry for periods of time
6. Go outside and breathe fresh air as a part of a routine
7. Compliment someone you know needs one
8. Compliment someone you’re not sure needs one
9. When you feel attacked (verbally), pause 5 seconds to think before responding
10. Practice empathy daily

Our inability to slow down can cause train wrecks in our health, our relationships, and at our work.  I’ve found it helps to try really putting on someone else’s shoes or imagining a worst-case scenario.  

For example, have any of you driven on a freeway recently?  Sure there are plenty of bona-fide jerks out there.  But I guarantee you that any bonehead driving move you’ve seen, you’ve made also, whether intentional or not.  The message?  Say, “OK.”  Because you never know the whole story.  

Slow down and think.  There could be a dying person in the vehicle.  There could be 5 screaming kids.  Possibly a baby, ankle-nipping crocodile loose on the floorboards.  Show some patience and – though it crosses every fiber in your being – just ignore the infraction.  

Second, let go of world-revolves-around-me-ism.  My friend Randy told me this story, which really stuck with me.  At his place of work, he was standing in the third floor lobby of his building with an elderly couple. They were all waiting for an “up” elevator to go to 12, but when they heard the “ding”, they looked up to the indicator light which signalled a “down” elevator opening up.

The lady looked at the man and said, “It’s going the wrong way.”

The thought that occurred to Randy: “Well, it’s going the right way, just not YOUR way. That doesn’t mean it’s wrong.”

Not to besmirch this couple too terribly, but they were probably elecellerating before Randy arrived.

Let’s all slow down, people.  As for me, my heart depends on it.  As Sheryl Crow says, let’s soak up the sun, and tell everyone to lighten up . . .