A true story from my distant past.  If we could all follow my friend Jason’s lead, handling ‘situational adversity’ would be a cinch . . . not to mention a total riot.

One night when I was 16, I went to a party with two of my good friends, Drew and Jason.  It was one of those ‘my parents-are-out-of-town’ things, where some audacious teen would convert his parents’ beautiful home into a frat house for one night.  A honey of a deal if you could get in.

I remember this rager was being thrown by someone slightly older – perhaps a senior.  As lowly sophomores, we knew we had to be “cool” as we strutted up the driveway.  So we puffed out our chests, toted our 6-packs of beer, and lit up a few smokes.  

What happened next could have been a scene out of Revenge of the Nerds.  

As we approached the back end of the house by the garage, we noticed several large figures standing around talking and drinking beer.  Football players.  <oh great>.  It was almost as if they were bouncers, making sure no losers would tread upon this party.

As we neared them, they eyed us up and down, frowning. 

“Let’s just keep walking,” I thought.

Drew and Jason followed me as we walked past them toward the back yard.  But just as we went by, I heard a huge <SSKKKKKRRRRSSSSHHHHHHH klink-klink-klink-klink>.   I stopped and turned around.

Jason had kicked over a tower of empty beer cans . . . one that had been built carefully by the football players.

We all froze, looking down at Jason’s demolition of about 20 cans of Miller Lite.  We then looked up at a huddle of massive jocks who were assessing the mess, and of course their options for killing us.  

I was pretty scared.  I’m not sure what was going on in Drew’s mind, but Jason somehow came up with a miracle response that I cannot fathom to this day.  It got us off the hook and made everyone happy.  

“PICK ‘EM UP!” blurted some behemoth who probably wore a #79 on his football jersey.  The others stared with expectation.

Politely but directly, Jason responded, “O.K. . . .  How would you like them stacked?”

That one comment – given so graciously and under such pressure – completely reversed an unsavory situation.  His composure and tone were amazing, especially for a 16 year old.  You could almost hear an audible snap in the tension.  It was just gone.

While I was sitting there thinking, “Which direction should I run?” Jason just took it in complete stride and went with it.  He picked up several of the cans and started making a new Lite pyramid.  But after a few seconds, the guys just said, ”Ah, hey, don’t worry about it man.” And we went on our way.

So how about that?  Simple humor had trumped rage.  Solomon was onto something in Proverbs 15:1:  ’A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger’.  

JACKHOLE TRAIL

23 years after the beer pyramid incident, I still struggle with responding to “situational” adversity as well as Jason did.  

For example, in 2006, I gave a time management seminar to about 30 people.  Like any good presenter, I offered a feedback form for the attendees.  I wish to improve, after all. Right?

25 of the 26 forms I got back had positive comments.  ”GREAT STUFF!”  ”NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE, JEFF!”  ”THIS TOTALLY HELPED!”  were typical of the 25.  But #26.  

#26 had only one line in the comment section.  “This was nothing more than a 2-hour sales pitch.”

By my reaction, you’d have thought this guy had insulted my mother, given me a royal wedgie, and left the room laughing.  I was destroyed by this.  Seriously, I think I walked around moping for an entire week or more about #26.  Why?

The “textbook” answer I’ve found is interesting.  It talks about how our brain (specifically the amygdala for you TOTAL geeks out there) processes information. Experts like the folks at Emotional Intelligence say we must wait at least 6 seconds before responding to a verbal attack.

HA!  Try that in traffic!  Even funnier, try that if you’re me with a wounded ego because of nasty Mr. #26.  

Granted, he wasn’t in the room any longer.  But even if he had been there, I was FAR from a cool, Jason-istic response.  I was a lot closer to Eeyore.  Or Grumpy.

Yes, yes, I know.

“Battle the ego daily, Jeffrey.”  

“Pain is your teacher, Jeffrey.”  

“You can’t please everyone all the time, Jeffrey.”  

OK, so the textbook answer isn’t quite sufficient.  In my heart I know it’s about practice.  

“Your true character,” says popular orator Dennis Peacocke, “is how you are without thought.”  In other words, practice in the now.  Practice IS the now.  Beyond anticipating the interactions you may have throughout your day, embrace the now.

Allright so I’m here in my emotional underwear, but I really think I’m improving.  It’s because of all the practice!  Not that I volunteered for it . . it’s just that my life seems to intersect with so many jackholes – including the one in the mirror – that not learning would be just impossible.

Hooray for life.

As always, hearing from you IS THE BEST PART.  Comments make my day.

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